How Being Realistic is Killing Your Dreams

Telling yourself to be realistic usually seems like the level-headed, grown up, and responsible thing to do.  After all, playing make-believe is something that children do. Grown-ups are in the real world, with real problems and in order to function successfully, it makes sense that being realistic about the issues we face in life is the right way to go. Besides, there’s a better chance of succeeding if we stay within realistic boundaries and not dare to think about things that don’t normally happen for everyday people, right?

Um…not so much.

Imagine if a certain young baptist minister who was fighting for equal rights and justice for all people felt that way.  Imagine if he thought to himself, “How am I ever going to make a difference?  This dream is just too unrealistic.  How am I going to get masses of people to see what I can see so clearly?  It just seems like too much work.  It makes more sense to just be realistic about it and live out my life with my family the best way that I can and hope for the best.”

We all know Martin Luther King did a lot more than just “hope for the best.” He did it because he wasn’t afraid to think outside of what most felt he was capable of, and instead reached deeper inside of himself to tap into what he was actually capable of…which turned out to be creating a dream that would live on long after he was no longer here to see it through.

Living in the “realistic” present vs. living in the “anything is possible” future.

The act of being realistic is actually the act of setting limitations.

For instance, there might be a something you want to do that costs more money than what is in your bank account at the moment.  The realistic side of you kicks in and says, “Oh don’t even THINK about that!  You know you can’t afford it and you have bills to pay.  Be responsible, don’t worry about something that realistically you can’t even do.”

But when you step outside of the barriers of a realistic mindset, the conversation is a bit different:

“I would love to have that (fill in the blank) or travel to (fill in the destination).  I might not have the money now, but if I start putting aside a little bit every month, I’ll have the money I need in no time and I can (go anywhere) or (have anything) I want!”

The first conversation was when a person looks at their current circumstances and begins to dictate their life from that perspective.  They may tell themselves its more realistic to live in the “here and now” and not get too caught up living with their “head in the clouds” because if they do, things might not get taken care of. But the second conversation allows the person to step outside of the current reality and to begin to imagine what can happen if they refuse to go through life just accepting how things are at the moment.

Realistic thinking only allows you to think in the present tense.  Things that are “real” are what is going on in your life at this moment. These are things you have already witnessed, possibly more than a few times, or at least enough that you likely can predict the outcome.

The outcome of circumstances in our lives becomes our own personal realities.  These are the things that we’ve come to count on.  If I do this…I will get that.  It is human nature to stay within our comfort zones, to stick to things we know and not venture too far from the norm, but what happens if we all decide to do that?

Would anything ever change? Would equality ever exist?  Would anything new ideas come to the surface? Would there ever be any new inventions?  What about technology?  Would it ever progress?

Whatever your mind believes to be realistic is what will become.

The evolution that we create or that we witness comes from individuals who were not satisfied with the current reality and decided to go against the grain and try to do what most said could not be done.

Is it unrealistic to believe that a phone would have a full operating system, a camera, a video camera, text-messaging capabilities, video calling, and the ability to view movies and tv shows?

Is it unrealistic that a young woman who grew up in poverty and was only expected to become a maid, was molested by her uncle, had a child out of wedlock that passed away, dealt with weight problems and self-esteem issues, went on to become a billionaire with the #1 talk-show in history, a production company, and her “OWN” network?

Is it unrealistic to explore other planets in the galaxy?

Is it unrealistic that an African American man would win TWO terms of the US Presidency or that a woman would currently be the Presidential nominee?

Rejecting preceived reality and becoming a Deliberate Creator

If Oprah Winfrey, President Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton only thought from a realistic mindset, none of them would be people who went on to make history.

The beautiful thing about our powerful mind is that it will believe whatever we TELL it to believe.  The more we visualize the reality we see in our minds, the stronger the energy becomes that we all naturally create, and the faster the ideas we create in our minds become REALITY.

You might be thinking:  Now how exactly does that happen?  I don’t have magical powers. That’s not realistic to believe at all!

Well, it actually does work and Oprah, the President, and Hillary are only 3 of the countless examples of what happens when you decide to become a deliberate creator.

When you create deliberately, you are consciously telling your mind what you wish to manifest in your life.  You are being very descriptive in your thoughts, on paper, with vision boards, or wherever you are able to see and think about your dream on a regular basis.  When you deliberately create, you are making your thoughts turn into reality by the FOCUS you put on them, instead of living life without much deliberate thought and allowing life to happen TO you.  (NOTE:  This ties in with all of us being vibrational beings, which I will write about in the next blog in more detail, so stay tuned!!)

Simply put:  what you think about, focus on, and can conceive as YOUR reality will come to be.  This works for EVERY PERSON on this earth.  No one person is more equipped to do this than any other. The only factor that sets you apart from those whose lives have proven this to be a guaranteed reality, is your ability to conceive of the reality you desire, and then most importantly, to BELIEVE in it.

So do yourself a HUGE favor.  Stop being so realistic about your life, and dare to dream of the endless possibilities that you can create to begin to LIVE, and not just merely exist.

 

 

How to Effectively Use Positive Affirmations…Without Feeling Like a Liar

“I believe in myself and my abilities.”

“My future is completely under my control.”

“Every day of my life is an opportunity to get closer to the dreams I desire.”

These are three of my favorite affirmations that I created for myself.  I keep them on Post-It notes in my room, my work space, and on mirrors (a la – Being Mary Jane) so that I can see them and repeat them as often as possible.

But do I always feel like “my future is completely under my control?”

Absolutely not.

When I am sitting in traffic, waiting in a long line at (insert any establishment in the Atlanta area), or confronted with negativity, what I really wish I could do is suddenly have the magical powers of Samantha Stephens in Bewitched and wiggle my nose to make it all disappear.

Photo Credit:  mentalfloss.com

But since I am a mere mortal, I’ve found another way to use my “magic” to help create a peaceful, positive, and abundant lifestyle.

Positive affirmations are sayings or phrases that can be used to remind ourselves of what we have to be grateful for, what we desire to experience in our lives, and as confirmation that we have the power to do, have, and be anything that we can conceive in our minds.

However, most people are a bit leery of the benefit of positive affirmations.

I found this out after I wrote a 394 page book on this very topic.

(It’s okay…you can giggle)

Because affirmations require you to believe in something BEFORE it actually happens, it can be difficult to see the benefit in doing this.  Some people feel like they are lying to themselves by saying all these positive quotes and attempting to believe them, when their lives are actually in stark contrast to the affirmations.

But believe it or not, that is EXACTLY why affirmations are so important!

The key to manifesting all of your desires into real and tangible experiences in your life is that you have to start feeling the feelings of having what you want RIGHT NOW. And affirmations are the quickest and easiest way to elicit the happy feelings of having what you want before it arrives.

Here’s a quick Affirmations 101 cheat sheet to bring all of the desires of your heart into your life like a magnet.

•  Make a list of the things you most desire in your life, or of the things you want to change        You will be surprised by how excited you become from writing down what you want.  There is something very powerful about seeing your desires on paper, and it begins to bring them to life.  You have to actively think for this task, so it also encourages you to dream of what having what you want will feel like.  It works the same way with your list of things to change.  Thinking about having undesirable traits, situations or people out of your life, instantly creates feelings of peace and relief and those feelings will help the affirmations you use feel more authentic.
•  Create one sentence phrases that affirm your desires                                                                              Once your list is created (I say created because it will never be complete, as your needs and desires are constantly evolving), use your words to create simple sentences that reinforce your desires.  Ex:  I want to marry the man of my dreams and have a life filled with love and romance.  AFFIRMATION:  I will meet the man of my dreams and have the life I’ve always desired.  It’s okay if the affirmations seem silly and far-fetched at first because what you want is not currently in your life.  But the more you repeat them, the more they will become a part of your belief system, and the more you will begin to see the things you want show up in your life.
• Repeat your affirmations on a DAILY basis                                                                                                  Just as it is with anything you wish to create as a habit in your life, consistency is key.  Doing affirmations daily allows positive thoughts to become a regular part of your everyday activities.  There are worse things you could force yourself to do on a daily basis than to have positive thoughts about yourself and the life that you want, right?  It will take a little while to get into the groove, but once you do, particularly once you begin to see the tangible benefits of positive thought that relates directly to YOU and your experience, you will effortless begin to create the lifestyle that you once thought eluded you, simply because you may not have believed in your own power.  But I assure you, every single person reading these words has the EXACT same power to serve as a co-creator in their own life and to manifest every single desire that can be conceived.
• BELIEVE, BELIEVE, BELIEVE!!!!                                                                                                                   Once you’ve got the hang of repeating daily affirmations, either your own, or from the wonderful daily affirmations that have already magically been created for you in a little book called  Jeanette’s Jewels:  Positive Affirmations for the Spirit (Please pardon the shameless plug), you can relax your mind to believe that what you are affirming can and WILL become a part of your life.

                                                                                               

Whatever you believe to be true in your mind will be automatically drawn into your life experience.  There is nothing special that you need to do except to believe that this is the case and to allow the happy feelings of having your desires to become a daily practice. Each time you recite or meditate on an affirmation, take a moment to think of how your life will change once these desires come to fruition.  Don’t think of it as something that will happen way off in the future after 30 years of hard, laborious work.  See, think and feel how it would feel to have them right NOW, in THIS moment, and this energy you are creating from your positive affirmations and thoughts will serve as the catalyst to turn your dreams into your direct REALITY.

What You Accept vs. What You Deserve

Photo credit:  madamenoire.com

“I need a man…who’s gonna treat me right. I want a man…who’ll be with me  every night. I gotta find me a man…with sensitive eyes. One who understands…that love is stronger than pride.” – Toni Braxton, Find Me a Man

Let’s just keep it real.

Chances are if you are over 40 and single for whatever reason, you are hoping that “the one” is just a chance meeting, Tinder swipe, or mouse click away.

I’m not exempt.

I am dangerously single and, since the idea of growing old alone and not having a toothless partner in crime to wear diapers with is a little sad, I too hope the man who is waiting for a woman just like me will eventually materialize in my life.

But in the meantime, I’m cool with winging it. Meaning, I’m okay with not having a relationship that makes me mad and sad more than happy and glad, just for the sake of saying “I have a man.”

It shouldn’t be common place for any woman to put up with anything that does not reiterate her worthiness and value, but unfortunately some have allowed themselves to stay in situations that are a long way from conducive to their well-being.

And this is, by far, one the most unnecessary ways to waste away years of your life that you will never get back.

Yes, I do believe life’s journey was meant to be shared, but shared with someone who genuinely loves, respects and appreciates you. Someone who is willing to put their needs before yours. Someone who is honestly concerned with having your best interests at heart.

You can always make the conscious choice to only accept that which is GOOD for you, ELEVATES you and brings you to a place of PEACE.  No one in this world can do anything to you that you do not allow. But first, you must understand your worth and when you do, accepting anything less than you deserve becomes an instant issue of the past.

No more dealing with someone who takes you for granted.

No more constantly rebounding from relationships that ended due to lying, cheating, and other disrespect.

No more waiting for the commitment only to be led on and let down when the ring never materializes.

No more waiting for the “title” while you “compete” in a sea of other women.

And no more enduring endless text relationships, online encounters that never get to the next level of dating, and constantly attempting to sell yourself to men who are already looking over your head to the next best thing.

Decide to only entertain men that will bring added value to your life experience and promise yourself that you will no longer accept anything you do not deserve.

And if there is any confusion about what it is that you deserve, make no mistake.  You deserve the very best of everything, and there are NO exceptions to this rule.

Nuff said. 😉

Keep Living Kid

Writing has always been my best version of free therapy, but since my father passed away, I haven’t had much desire to create anything.

Even surrounding myself with the drafts of my next book did nothing to jump start my flow…until this morning.

I was looking at pictures of my dad with my family and I was reminded of not only all of the memories that were thankfully captured of him supporting me and my siblings at different stages of our lives, but the fact that he was the biggest reason we reached those milestones in the first place.

He was a strict disciplinarian, but he guided with a loving spirit and always emphasized the importance of giving all that we were capable of and doing our very best in every situation, no matter what was going on around us.

I had always lived my life in that manner, until the day he was no longer there to remind me to do that.  But I understand now the importance of his words.

“Keep living kid”

This is what he often said to me when I told him things that I was going through that I didn’t understand or felt I couldn’t bear.  And through my life I realized that as I “kept living,” things that once confused me became crystal clear after I had a little more life experience under my belt.

Intellectually, I understand that death is inevitable for the living, but that still doesn’t give me ease emotionally.  However in my father’s lessons of prospering in spite of life’s circumstances, I believe this was one way he was teaching my siblings and I to be able to go on with our lives as the inevitable trials of life crossed our paths.

So in honoring my father, I have decided to get up, dust myself off, and to KEEP LIVING.  And since for me, writing is as vital as the air I breathe, I will continue to write books, quotes, and inspirational messages in hopes of fulfilling my purpose, with his spirit guiding me every step of the way.

“Cherish your journey, even when the road becomes hard to travel. If you keep living and BELIEVE, you will always be guided to the place you most desire to be.”

– Jeanette’s Jewels

For Daddy

 

On May 8 2016, my hero was called home.

He was so many things to so many people in the world during the course of his life.

He was my mother’s beloved husband, a devoted son to his parents, a supportive sibling to his brothers and sisters, a loving uncle to his nieces and nephews, a fun and doting grandfather and great-grandfather to his grandkids, and a loyal friend to everyone he met along his journey.

But to me, he was just Daddy.

He was the strongest, most bravest man in the world, who I thought could hold the world on his shoulders when I was 5.

He was the smartest man in the world who I thought could solve any math problem when I was 10.

He was the most gifted speaker in the world when I heard him give a presentation when I was 13.

He was my fiercest protector when I started dating when I was 16.

He showed me a grown man who sheds a tear is stronger than one who hides his emotions when he dropped me off at college when I was 18.

He taught me that unconditional love transcends generations when I saw him hold my children for the first time when I was 21 and 23.

He showed me the definition of comfort and nonjudgmental support when I divorced and gave me the strength to move forward in my life when I was 30.

His gentle and loving encouragement to chase my dream of publishing my writing reaffirmed his lesson of being able to do anything I put my mind to when I was 45.

And when I turned 46, I had no way of knowing that he would no longer be within reach or just a phone call away.

I will treasure every irreplaceable memory I have of my father.

From the sound of his voice when he entered a room, to the smell of his cologne that he left on my clothes when he gave me hugs, to the way he smiled with so much pride when he looked at his grandchildren, to all the priceless life lessons he taught me over the years, even when I didn’t realize that he was guiding me to a deeper understanding of the world, and of myself.

These are the precious gifts that I will carry for all of eternity.

I am blessed to have been your daughter, I am grateful to have known your unconditional love first hand, and I thank God for each and every day that I was able to see you, talk to you, learn from you, and love you.

No more pain from a body that held you prisoner

No more yearning for the vigor that eluded you in your later years.

Now you are free to roam, to soar, and to explore to your hearts content for all of eternity.

Until we meet again,  I will miss you all the days of my life and forever more.

I love you, Daddy ❤

 

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